Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Bug Eyes

Things that look cute on my dog...see above demonstration, just DON'T look cute on people. Why is that? Or, more importantly, why is it that people don't realize that?

I mean, my dog can look like her eyes are about to pop out of her head and stare at me dead on-unwaivering, and it doesn't, say, creep me out, but, in fact, just makes me love her more.

So what if I am a lipstick lesbian, why does that give the man on the el who probably hasn't showered in like 6.2 days, the license to gawk at me the entire ride..or like the person at this meeting I went to last night who bugged out the eyes at me while I was actually listening to him speak..but he bugged those buggers out so intensely that I couldnt' even look him in the eye to his look in my eye.

See those things don't make me LOVE those people more like they do when my dog does them, as, I never even liked either of them in the first place and had to count to 10 over and over in my mind not to go crazy on them in public. So, of course, it doesn't make me LOVE THEM. It t'aint cute on humans and that is that.

Dogs are cute. People, in general, aren't. Not when they do weird things, especially.
You know, like when they roll around on the ground or roll over and ask you to rub their beer bellies. Dogs bellies? cute. Big man hairy bellies? Um, nay.

What about pooping? My dog poops and it is like a baby tu tu, you know. Like when she poops and I have been worried all day she wouldn't but does, and I sing a song and make her feel like a "good girl" for poopety poop.

See? The person I work with in the other department who uses the public facility? Yeah, not so cute when they smell everything up and I have to hold my pee all day.

Whew, good thing I have my puppy to look forward to when I go home tonight and not some big bulgy eyes looking at me saying, "Where is my steak, biatch?"

1 comment:

Chrissy Costa said...

i'm so glad i've never rubbed a hairy man's belly. i've done a lot of things but that ain't one of them.

all this bug-eyed talk makes me miss Bernie Mac. he was cute in a sammy dog way. i bet it was cute when he pooped too. too far? maybe.

sometimes Chevy smells just awful but i kiss her anyway. i would never kiss anyone who smelled that bad. dogs get away with a lot. i'd be lying if i said i didn't think it was funny when she from time to time humps another dog or inanimate object. i could never get away with that. not that i've tried. tequila makes a gal do crazy things, i suppose. what?