It is official. There are AT LEAST three people in the building where I work stalking me.
How do I know this? Because they ALWAYS happen to be in the bathroom the same time as me.
Either that, or they use to have the nickname "pee-nut" in highschool too....true story.
What is it with anonymous bathroom encounters with people that you don't work with "directly" but who always happen to be there at the same time as you....or is it just me?
I mean, these are people you would NEVER socialize with in the "outside world," and, yet, they seem to be face-to-face with you morning, noon and night at one of the most intimate times in your life.
And if life were fair, these people would be kind of like "anonymous sex" friends and you wouldn't have to even say hello to them, but no such luck. At least not in my unfair bathroom world.
You have to pretend to care and to know little tidbits about their lives, when all you really want to do is, as my dog would say (or is that as I would say to my dog?), "go potty" in peace and quiet.
For credibility sake, I'll give you an example.
I am in the social work department, so, generally, I just don't interact with people in, say, finance (this might shock you, but, we, as a rule in social work, just aren't that concerned about money). But, OF COURSE, one of my bathroom "friends" is this lovely woman in finance who just had to go ahead and ruin my whole, say "year" by getting pregnant.
First of all, now beautiful (and skinny) pregnant lady not only knows that my bladder is as small as a woman in, say, her 8th or 9th month of pregnancy, but I also have to ask her questions about her upcoming motherhood and belly and stuff because she seems to always decide to wash her hands at the same time as me.
You might say, "Well, then just don't wash your hands, Blythe," I mean the proverbial you have done that right...well, before you think you are sooo smart in solving my problem, I'll tell you that currently, the pee and run strategy isn't an option, because we have an outbreak of the Swine Flu on our floor (which, come to think of it may be easier to contend with...).
And it isn't just cute pregnant women either, it is the older adult woman who probably has to pee that much for medical reasons, and I am riiiight there next to her...in all my urinating glory.
Come to think of it, though; I mean, now that I have gotten my feelings out and stuff, I could turn this into a positive. I mean, after all, when my boss is waiting outside of the bathroom to talk to me about something (true story), I could have the excuse that I was holding a joint baby and retirment reception for my pee party colleagues.
Enough work for today.
Off to pee.