Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Frozen Broccoli is Gross

I mean, what is the point in frozen broccoli? Really? What is the point.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that frozen broccoli is like a BAD relationship.

You wanna know why?

Because you go to the doctor or you see on some billboard that you should be having 5-7 servings of vegetables a day..so you get excited to cook...

but, then the "romance" of cooking wears off and you go for the frozen bag. Kind of like a quicky in bed or something.

You don't buy the kind that is in florets, because that would mean you'd have to cut it up and stuff, which would require work AND vegetables, so you just get the chopped stuff. In other words, you pick the bottom of the barrel in frozen broccoli, kind of like you pick your partners.

You feel at least a little excited, though, that you are going to get your vegetables (have SOMEONE to date after all) and so you bring it to work all frozen and stuff (because you don't want to stink your house up with that mess).

You add too much water (too much love and attention) to something you picked in a haphazard way anyhow, and then, what does it do? Broccoli (your lover) literally turns around and bites you in the ass.

That's right. Not only does it smell up your entire office floor (and mean you have to hide from your colleages so as not to leave a trace of you being the smelly staircase culprit), but you have to leave it all to be thrown out in your plate because, well you just can't bring yourself to "digest" it (get it?) anymore...



Blythe Landry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L Diddy said...

A great analogy, indeed! I will never again settle for frozen broccoli and I never eat stems!

As a matter of fact, I kinda like my broccoli to blindfold me and whisper in my ear "Who's your cauliflower"...or maybe whisper "I might look like broccoli---but tonight I am your eggplant".

With my ADD and all---I prefer a cornucopia of vegetables....I'm just sayin'...

Maybe I'm a pretzel and not really a vegetable at all ; )
~ L

Chrissy Costa said...

Um, Blythe, have we dated the same broccoli?

I felt as though you were speaking of my past love life. Ya, I've taken home the wrong broccoli a time or twelve. And by home, I mean, I probably went back to their place, got in their drawers. Refrigerator drawers that is, right? I wouldn't have wanted to stink up my own kitchen, ya know. Probably not. And a time or two I've taken a frozen bag (quicky, ahem, cough) and tried to turn it into a souffle. Ya, um, no. You can bathe in it, rub it, do it in a bunch, get a great head, (have I gone too far yet?)and dress it up, but you cannot take it out. Why? Well, because, uh, it's still F'n broccoli. And my mind ventured off to the land of good and plenty (asparagus) and I'd want someone else's "broccoli".(can I say bush?)Let's face it; broccoli is the vanilla of the veggie family, (Familia, for those reading in Spanish.) and we all really want us some chocolate. Or color, flavor....Zing. Right. As for what a doctor suggests about how much broccoli and veggies one needs, I take that with a grain of salt. (and I promise to try to understand that phrase one day) My doc told me I'd be 5'5 so.....ya. As is the case most of the day, I don't remember what my point was. Nonetheless, a wise woman once said (just yesterday) that life is too short for broccoli stems. And I, not being that wise woman say, don't put your frozen self on a shelf. Get out and live it up. Word.